Turkmenistan: America finds a new friend

It looks like Turkmenistan will be the new US friend of the moment Here . I am so pleased that the American army puts bases in these types of countries , for if they did not it would be so hard to tell the difference between the evil people we are fighting and the good (but just as evil) people that are our friends

So for those that dont know , lets take a tour of our new friend

There are quite a few mad leaders in the world but Tutkmenistan's president Saparmurat Niyazov is up there with the best of them. He started his lovely reign by renaming the capital and the main port of the country after himself . Infact he renamed everything , including the only brand of aftershave used in the country to his own name .

Saparmurat did not stop there , he qucikly moved on to re naming other household items such as bread , this time after his mother .

So what next for the president , well ... the nominal legislature passed a new law to change the days of the week and the months to different parts of his name and words associated with his name , except for April .. which he (wait for it) named after his mother

So of course the worst thing to say in turkmenistan is that the dictators mother is very wet for this time of year . such a thing could quickly land you in jail where you could expect to be tortured and from time to time be thrown a bit of the dictators mother

Of course all this is fun and true , but lets look at some more serious claims about the country

Do they have a democracy ? , well Niyazov has ruled the country with and iron rod since 1985 , his current position includes president, prime minister , commander in chief and head of the only party in the country

Now guess what , He was offered the presidency for life in December 1999 for his outsanding record , the only problem is that it was himself that offered himself that position (hmmm)

But in a rare stroke of modesty he has said that he "might" stand down in 2010 and hold elections , however he "might" not

what about human rights ? well , it is well known during the cotton season for the army to board inter city buses and abduct the pasengers for a few weeks of unpaid work picking in the field , of course you could refuse , but death would quickly follow

All foreign newspapers and media are banned ,and primary education has been replaced with a new funky religous history , that was written by .... the president

Meanwhile he has banned gold teeth (and ordered them to be replaced with white ones) ,he has created a national holiday for a melon ! , banned long hair and car radios ,

What a crazy guy

Of course i have highlighted the more amusing aspects of this man , but there is a lot that we should not be smiling at for example .....

What does the UN say about the country .... well read for yourself Here

what has the US government said about the country

"U.S. government agencies voiced criticism of Turkmenistan's human rights record. The State Department's annual report on human rights practices, released in March, accused the government of committing serious human rights abuses and severely restricting political and civil rights, including freedom of speech and religion. Recognizing Turkmenistan's particularly harsh restrictions on freedom of conscience and belief, the United States Commission on International Religious Freedom (USCIRF) reported in March that the conditions of religious freedom in Turkmenistan were "extremely poor" and plagued by "ongoing, egregious and systematic violations"

Dodgy guy . so we need to change that . the decision was made and ....

In 2004 the US government gave Turkmenistan a $16.4 million starter gift , and this seems to have done the trick , the US has a new friend

so in a few months we should be seing bombers taking off from this stable , humane country on a regular basis . Until we find a reason to realise that our friends are as sick as our enemys